Tag: cafe

Lost

inspiration

Feeling a bit hopeless right now. I haven’t posted about all the recent politics because I can’t think how to articulate my incredulity in any way that hasn’t been written a thousand times already. Brexit was bad enough… Trump is just unbelievable. Carl and I sat up watching the US election (alternating between BBC, CBC and Twitter, for ‘balance’) until it was clear that Hillary was not going to win; it was about 1am when we finally gave up and went to bed despairing of the world.  At the time I was angry and raging sarcastically online, but the next day I seemed to get a sort of political hangover. I didn’t want to do anything, couldn’t face going online in case there were still Trumpanzees on my Twitter feed, but couldn’t summon the motivation to go out and do anything else. I met up with friends and took the kids to the park and it seemed like we all felt the same, just numbed by the whole thing.

I can’t blame this entire malaise on Trump though. I am in a low spot for lots of reasons right now – maybe it’s the weather? (For the record, no snow yet..). It’s all about Uncertainty and not being in control of various aspects of my life at the moment, and I am never very good at handling that.

My ‘maternity leave’ (not that I actually took any) officially finished 6 months ago, and since then, I have had some actual leave in that I haven’t been doing any work that warrants a salary. Strangely enough, this isn’t sustainable for very much longer, as we are living paycheque-to-paycheque and struggling.  Theia will be 18 months old at the end of January, which means she can go to daycare then, IF we can afford it, and IF I have a job that requires childcare. That is extremely difficult to engineer though, because I not only have to find a job, I have to find a job at a time that coincides with when the daycare has space for her, AND that job has to pay me enough to make it worth me paying the daycare fees for. This isn’t as hopeless as it was in the UK when I found myself in the same position with Miranda – even a full-time minimum wage job here would net enough to cover daycare costs and spare me about $500 a month – which would certainly help right now. (As opposed to the UK where full time daycare would have cost me more than my entire month’s salary after tax)  But, I like to believe I am an adult now, I shouldn’t really be looking at minimum wage positions, and I don’t want to go to work just to have half to two-thirds of my earnings go towards paying someone else to raise my child.

To this end, I have applied for ten other “grown up” jobs, most of which I think I would actually enjoy doing too, and all of which, on paper at least, I had the qualifications for. I haven’t heard back from a single one of them. I can blame the economy or the time of year, but I think a large part of it is my resume. It  must be fairly obvious that I don’t know what I want to do with myself, and I honestly don’t right now, but that is not the same thing as saying ‘I DON’T want to work’, I just don’t know what work I want to do! Also, I am back to the overqualified problem. Turns out, the only thing worse than putting “obscure Arts PhD” on your resume, is putting “nearly a decade of self-employment” (NB: I am paraphrasing here). Once an entrepreneur, always an entrepreneur… but one who still has to pay the bills.

Through the cafe in its various forms, and Wheelie Good Coffee on the market, I have basically put myself through an MBA only without the certificate at the end. At risk of immodesty, building a business from scratch with no money in a country you’ve only lived in for 2 years really takes some doing: it’s all problem-solving, multi-tasking, design, research, fundraising, communications, networking, social media, marketing, leadership skills, HR, business development, even financial wizardry (YOU GUYS I DID A BUSINESS TAX RETURN ALL BY MYSELF!!!) I guess the trick is to make it look like I can apply all these skills to things other than coffee. I know I’m capable, but there’s a fair chance prospective employers will just give preference to someone with more direct experience.

In the absence of any employment offers, my other hopes are that I/we can continue with the cafe in some form – that is, I work out a way I can return to work on/in it and pay myself enough to live off. Owning and running a coffee shop has always been my dream – and I achieved it. What I didn’t manage/haven’t managed yet is living my dream and making a living from my dream. ‘Ay, there’s the rub.’

In an ideal world I’d pick it up and move the whole endeavor to a better and cheaper location. And I would love to try and incorporate a bookshop. But I need the funds to do that, and I don’t have them. Even if I can raise some investment somehow, I lack the confidence now to know if I should even be considering this as an option. Is it too much of a financial risk, and should I concentrate on finding an actual employer instead? Somehow, all of this is so stressful that I haven’t got the mental energy to make that decision, let alone get on with doing something about it. I am exhausted.

Also, I wrote a book. An actual, 70,000 word, non-silly, zombie-free memoir sort of thing about coffee and about the whole entrepreneurial experience. For once, I’ve taken my writing seriously enough to have planned out a structure and storyline, and I don’t hate what I wrote! I have spent this year’s Nanowrimo trying to edit it properly. I even approached a couple of publishers and wrote a proper book proposal. Unfortunately, the publishers’ websites say things like “Please allow six months for a response”. So I don’t know whether its worth prioritising the editing over fruitless job-hunting when I get fed up, in the event that it gets rejected over and over and over after months of waiting.

So. The end of the year is looming, and the future is highly uncertain. I am lost, and in need of inspiration, something to boost me in the right direction again.

Something will turn up. It always does.

Advertisements

Cloak of Invisibility

It is December, and right up until last week, I was still cycling to the cafe. This is unheard of!
People are betting on the likelihood of a “brown” Christmas, which amuses me greatly since I remember how hard we used to wish each year for a white one in Darlington. The last no-snow Christnas that anyone in Regina can remember was 1998. So odds are we should be good…
The bunnies are all confused though. There are giant Jackrabbits (technically, hares, I think!) that live downtown, and a couple of them have taken up residence in the car park behind the cafe. We named them Wayne and Waynetta Wabbit and I even have a seasonal Christmas coffee on the menu called “confused jackrabbit” in their honour. They are confused because they have gone white already. Each year, they grow their winter coat, changing them from grubby grey-brown bunnies that match the general downtown concrete, into pristine white bunnies camouflaged against the snow. Except this year, they are white already but there is no snow hide in, and they look very, very out of place.

image

I want to stick out like a snow bunny.
I mentioned I am still cycling: Theia can now sit up well enough that she can ride in the forward-facing kid seat on the front of the Taga bike, so after another conversion effort (20 seconds to convert it? My arse! More like 20 minutes. With swearing.) – we are happily pedalling about on what has to be one of the most eyecatching vehicles in Regina, avoiding the seasonal idiots who have forgotten how to drive in ice. The advantage of the Taga bike is that I can pretend it’s Mainly Stroller and ride on the sidewalks with it and thus not risk Death by Idiot-in-SUV quite so frequently.  Unfortunately in Regina most sidewalks are in worse condition than the roads, and having 3 wheels means hitting every slope, hole, chip of broken glass, lump or inexplicably unpaved patch City Hall wish to challenge me with. So, sometimes the road is a better option, but there,  I am small, and low and slow and vulnerable, and because I lack a petrol engine, I mysteriously become invisible. This is a car-obsessed land, and unless you have one, you are a nobody, despite freakish hybrid kid-transportation devices.

image

I am having similar issues with the cafe. Not that people are running us over, but just that we seem to be equally invisible because no one gets out of their cars. We thought our spot on 11th would be pretty good because there is a lot of passing traffic headed downtown. We have a bright purple 26ft sign over the equally massive window, chalkboard outside and over the summer, even a little patio table out the front. Yet people drive straight past; I’d like to say they are concentrating on the road but often or not, it’s their phones… And then, 8 months after opening, we get the surprised, “oh, are you new?” questions along with “I didn’t know you were here!”. Yes, this is partially our lack of marketing budget, but also because so few traverse downtown on foot or by bike. Peoples! This winter is incredibly mild! Get out of your cars and take advantage of it!

Everything is awesome!

Every single bit of me aches.

BUT THE COFFEE SHOP IS OPEN!!

We are back to 13s again. I left the Sensible Office Job on Friday 13th Feb, and today, 13th April, we opened the doors officially! So, I have only been working on this full time for two months. I’ve already blogged about the mysterious recurrence of thirteens in Canada – arriving during the year of our thirteenth anniversary, Miranda’s date of birth, and at the time, living on 13th Ave and working at 13th Ave coffee shop. Actually, if I remain pragmatic, none of that is anything other than coincidence or deliberate design; really I am trying to justify the significance of my 13 tattoo!! df5fb54a2120fec79f46bcb044a4e6ff

Including tackling a few social media explosions and replying to the daily onslaught of emails in the evenings, I am putting in 13 hour days as well. This is to be expected, especially in early days, but I had forgotten how tiring being on your feet all day is, compared with that comfy office job where your arse eventually ends up the same shape and size as your swivel chair. Or maybe I’m just older now. I have three wonderful part time staff at the moment, but I am still there myself all day, every day. Despite the exhaustion and achey feet, I’d forgotten how much I enjoy it too!

And people are so lovely. Whereas our first official day (and the three “dress rehearsal” days last week where we put the open sign up on the off-chance that people would actually notice) – were not amazingly busy, it was enough to feel successful. The supportive friends gradually gave way to interested Twitter followers, who in turn were joined by hopeful caffeine-hungry local office workers. Word is getting out! We’ve received so many positive comments and well wishes that I can’t help but feel crazy-confident about the whole endeavour. Our new neighbours even arrived with bunches of flowers for us! As with Wheelie Good Coffee, the response contrasts so sharply with my experiences in Darlington that I’m convinced I must be on the right track finally.

That goes for everything else recently as well. I have my cafe business again, my wonderful hubby and brilliant beastling daughter, there is another Timbit daughter booting from inside my belly, my fantastic friends are all rooting for me from both sides of the atlantic, the Parents have just booked another trip back here for the summer, the sun in shining and all is right with the world! And I am very, very lucky.

10514347_1608857942664024_4007319222634398991_o

I’m not saying I’m Wonder Woman…

…I’m just saying that no-one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room at the same time.

It has (as usual) been a very busy few weeks – nay, months and I haven’t had time to do anything other than The Immediate Project, Dr Coffee’s Cafe. No blog posts, no poetry nights, no beer club (although that is also the fault of pregnancy), no letters to friends, etc etc.  Saying that though, I do feel like I’ve achieved quite a lot.

UAS For a start, I quit the day job. This is MASSIVE. An achievement in that I stood it for so long in the first place (or as my dearest friend Rumble would put it: “I can’t believe they haven’t fired you!”), but also in leaving a job whilst still feeling relatively good about the place. I had more than a few run-ins with our immediate supervisor, I didn’t have a lot of respect for his ‘management style’, shall we say and worse, I’m sure he was well aware of that, but it didn’t stop me making some very good friends there. Whatever else I can say about the place, it was a very stable job with a great team of colleagues, and provided me with a steady income and benefits when I needed it most, in return for very little effort on my part. Dealing with the tedium of the work was harder than the work itself. Leaving at this point (on Friday 13th, no less) was either very brave, or very stupid. Had I stayed, I would have got the very generous Canadian one year maternity leave on full pay. Now of course, I get diddly-squat. Was paid mat leave worth hanging around being bored to tears for another few months and passing up the opportunity to open the cafe? I’d like to think not!

Oh, it was my birthday just before I quit work. I am 32, and I couldn’t even have a beer on my birthday. Worse, a few weeks later I got an invite to a Highworth School reunion – we all finished school FIFTEEN YEARS AGO. Somehow that doesn’t feel like something to celebrate!

Not having the office job has meant “plenty of time” (ahem) to work on Dr Coffee’s Cafe. However, it definitely has not been as easy as just me setting the place up. In fact, my newly-retired parents came out here for a whole month, to help me work on it as well. Dad naively thought he would run out of things to do in a month and so even got me to download “historical walking tours of Regina” maps in case they got bored. Those maps really do exist, I kid ye not.

Anyway, the Parents were both wonderful and Dad single-handedly built both the front and back bars in the cafe space, learned the layout of Home Depot, Rona and Lowes blindfolded, got thoroughly frustrated with a malevolent spirit level, and achieved more in 3 weeks than our idiot contractors did in 3 and a half months. Mum and I painted (a long task given I can’t bend or lift things or stand on ladders too often and she can’t kneel at the moment) and organised things and cleaned and we got it soooo close… but not quite finished. It was incredibly disappointing not being able to get it open before they had to leave, but we certainly wouldn’t be anywhere near opening day without them!! They did see the full range of Saskatchewan winter in that month as well, which seemed to amuse them. They arrived when it was still 30 degrees below zero, saw a snow storm or two, appreciated the crisp icy sunshine, Mum even mastered winter-driving, and then they saw The Melt, followed quickly by The Floods. Fun and games! We also managed “day off” trips to Moose Jaw spa, a snow festival in Fort Qu’appelle, a trip around Lumsden to see if it had sufficient hills for them to consider moving there, a night out at the Globe theatre, tobogganing with Miri and a mini-not-quite-launch-party at the cafe. I really hope they enjoyed themselves! Here’s some pics:

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

The New-Human Growing process is going fairly well so far as well- I am feeling slightly less sick and disgusting now that I’m over half way, the giant boobs are back, it is booting its giant feet about in there happily and as far as they could tell from the scan (where it was hiding and refusing to cooperate) – she is a she. On that basis, Carl and I have nearly decided on a name already. But I’m not telling what it is. Miranda, and Granny and Grandad all managed to come with me for the scan, and Miri was utterly agog, blown away by seeing inside Mummy’s tummy. She desperately wants a sister, and actually wants me to “put it back” if it’s a boy…  uh oh.

It's a mighty big Timbit now!
It’s a mighty big Timbit now!

So, quite a bit going on. I’m exhausted, I feel like I’ve not spoken to my friends in ages, I’ve completely forgotten about some social engagements, and I’ve not been anywhere except the cafe for weeks. BUT, I feel like I am coping remarkably well given the  circumstances. Getting a brand new business off the ground is stressful anyway, especially in a new country where you don’t understand all the regulations, let alone whilst pregnant and with a very loud nearly-five year old in tow, and when both the husband and business partner are working full time at other, completely unrelated jobs. We may not be open just yet, but even Wonder Woman needs a nap sometimes, I’m sure.

026ff07e1da69da792e439e0af9a1eb5